Tears Withheld

Standing upon the swirl of the living, I have to ponder the isolation that human begings have created for each other. Through fear, which causes hesitation, everything to hinder the connection so deeply yearned for with each other. Have I skipped too many rocks? Hopped over too many cracks? Have I stopped so often to smell the roses that I got lost from the crowd? To suddenly find myself alone in the boat, floating upon the vast sea of humanity...where is everyone?

I was enjoying the moment, breathing in the freshness of life. Then, one day I found myself separated by an invisible barrier that keeps fellow humans from reaching me, touching me. Who would dare? Why won't one dare???

For a little while the world was peaceful and fun, but without another to share the wonder with even the present joy is missing a type of shine. I miss having someone to share the wonder with. Everyone is busy, occupied, scheduled, or consumed. Should I get off this path? Find a more crowded road? Seek the crowd and emerge myself within the middle of it all? Will that help? When was the last time I felt a regular sense of involvement with others? I have forgotten.

In seeking the wisdom of the ages, I have found the truth of the living. Living is about sharing and combining with another, or others. Wisdom is connection. Then, I find moments that remind me of that deepest connection...and then I realize what I am missing. I am reminded why I want to live...here...among this world of the living.

      The other day I found a fellow creature who came to me...dared to touch me in the only way it could...through a glass enclosure. But it connected with me!! Wanted to connect...wanted me to connect....and for that moment, I felt complete, not alone, embraced, and felt recognized. A sniff through a glass...a nose pressed against my hand. A reminder that the world, the cosmos has not forgotten me. If not through another human being, than through its creatures that live beyond the assumed.For that small while I was able to remember and the tears I hold within fell away to be replaced with only bliss.

Life...the world. What is it to live. Really live? I want to learn to do that without having another, yet I continue to find that I enjoy living more when there is another to share with. What have I done?! I chose people in my life who can't share, don't want to combine, or are too flawed to naturally find the unity of a breath. Those that can are far away, oceans away, miles away...those that can't are under my nose. I have chose this dilemma, I realize this. My own fear has created my cage.

But....

I have never, will never, and avoid all cages that try to trap me...so this cage (of my own making) I will also break free from. Adventure....that is the key to unlock any door of limitation. Don't you agree??

A Pause

Sitting under the rays of sunbeams, I am taking the necessary pause to ponder the moments surrounding me. What part is real? Maybe the only moment that is real is this very moment, the moment I choose to claim as real, this moment sitting under the sunbeams. While in this spot I don't have to think about what is outside or inside this spot. Everything other than this spot, causes me to hesitant? But why? Is it my assumption to act? Presumption to be? For once, I choose just to be. Neither contributing or commiting. This is a profound choice for myself. Just to perpetually wait and see. And make choices as I have to, only when I have to. What a nice in-between spot.

Other wise...life's spiral wants to suck me in to its illusions.... But, for now, I want to just sit and be. Though movement might create something interesting and even adventure...I don't want to go towards the spiral. I want to be the perpetual observer. At least for now; nothing just yet. But, I am excited to observe the spiral while sitting in this spot under the sunbeams. Know that it carries possibilities, probabilities, even dreams. For the first time, in forever, I want to feel this contentment of stillness. Just breath. There is something about breathing that is calming (obviously), because of the very fact it is natural...in and out. How many times do we forget that simple fact about ourselves?

Breath...the brush of feather tip to feather tip. Taken for granted, assumed, forgotten; but so necessary. Within breathing is the place of the sunbeams. Therefore, this post...this muse, is a song of breathing. Sitting (just) within these lovely sunbearms. (sigh) The home of the perpetual observer.

Before You Know It....

Life changes, perceptions are altered, and hope is renewed.

It all began when I thought...yes, I thought, I was left alone in this world of strangers. The only one of my kind. There was another, but I had to turn away, walk away, and continue without. I didn't realize how colorless the world was without my other. My other completed the rainbow, finished the symphony of my soul's expression. The only one who understood that blue was periwinkle and red was the rose (with thorns). So much time, eternity spent living the essence of another. Battles fought, sadness walked through, happiness rejoiced, hopes, dreams, quandaries, discussion, training, processing, healing, tears, despair, so much experienced, always matching stride....continuing...alpha and omega.

          

So many life times, twin, brother, sister, self, and the One. It all merges together when breathing the same air, coping within the same life time. Though there have been times when we were enemies, it was our kindredness that made it instead, a connection. The right side needing the left. Yin/Yang. Balanced.


                       When two are created from one, from the ONE, it is a heritage of divine honor and harsh responsibility. With the angels in attendance to assist, humankind to benefit, or suffer, to walk among the finest creation, be a part of maintaining the balance and integrity. (No one ever said it would be easy). But when you are born for such a task, it is soothing to know you march for the One, as two, but working, breathing as one unit; same thought, same intent, same needs, same necessities, same dedication, same...same....same....twin.
                                     



   So, together again, Wholeness solidifies. No more questions, reality coming home. How many life times does this occur? For our unified good, the separation is necessary to make the parts be at its strongest..then to come together again pure, intensified. Oh yeah....
          But for now....reunion is at hand...I am going to enjoy the peace and joy of not being the only one of my kind on this piece of Terra....and heck, he is
                                                                        sooo cuddly and has the voice of the deepest sea!!

But............what is most important...is...in reunion...comes realization that he was me...I was he...and God was, is, and always ....

the key is needed to unlock the mystery. One foot in the world of man...the other in the fairytale.

Lamenation

With a world filled with so many people and so many avenues to communicate, why are we left feeling alone? We are talked at, push through, move out of way, doing it on our own. But, we are a race that thrives on sharing, the communion of moments created through imagination into experiences that nurture. Sitting in a room with another, I am reminded that to communicate I need to come to my blog. There is so much of just sitting next to someone and breathing I can tolerate, especially when my thoughts, ideas, or muses is irrelevant (arrrggg). To share a genuine thought, exchange ideas, possibilities, time to visit my cyber pals. What went wrong? When did my real get so isolated?

When I left high school and began my individual life journey, I viewed the life road ahead of me with anticipation. Adventure waited, but those adventures were splattered with others who would be sharing the adventures with me. I couldn't wait to meet my life's travelling companions.  In my dreams, I am not alone. In my dreams I engage, am involved, and have others who combine in the moment, the story; we are all a part of the whole. Involved and equally engaged. There is no separateness. Why won't it take root in real? I am a friendly open person, ready with a smile, enjoying the laugh and muse. Where have all the creative people gone? Have I somehow found myself alone on a small piece of the earth with strangers?.. with no one able to relate to me? Ok, obviously I took the wrong turn somewhere...oh poo...

On this isolated island people eat baked potatoes with nails through the middle, they milk their peas, and have no sense of beauty for a gathering of weeds (or wildflowers as I refer to them). The species I live among is quick to point out the wrongs of the world, their fellow human beings, me...but never once realized how they might contribute to the miserable world they are bemoaning and creating. They cry "that dirty so and so....look how ridiculous....that is stupid, yada yada yada". Meanwhile, I am busy skipping over stones, talking to passing pebbles, and hearing the latest joke among the cardinal birds. I hear music rustling in the leaves of trees as I pass, and see the sky attempting to paint something mysterious with its clouds. There are flowers to smell and grass to roll in. Bugs to help across the road and people to surprise into smiling. Maybe I am the dandelion of my community?! Please, don't step on me...I am not a weed!!!

As I gase upon the world in my perception of self...I find I have a joy I ache to live and share. But, I dare not put it forward for fear it will be trampled by the humanness of those around me. Like Borrowers say "Beings like to squish"...(so true). I refuse to let a Being squish me...but am always so relieved when I come across another who wants to skip with me....splash water, throw tea bags, dance with skunks, or kiss a frog. One day I might finally find the boat to leave this isolated island of Beings and know where all the imaginative people have gone, like those I come across in my dreams. They are not perfect, they are real; genuine. Authentic living creations! They embrace moments, skip with music, breath in air...and are not against a simple dandelion. They do exist. I can't let myself believe they do not; I am one, but I know there are many...but where? 

Until then, I will keep myself still, fly here in cyber, and continue to have hope. Cyber lets out the real, it is where the creative hide and peek. A place where one can't get trambled or squished. Maybe all the genuine living creations are like I, just tired of living among strangers!?!

I have had moments with such people in real time...fleeting, but impressionable. I know it can exisit in real time. But for now, I am grateful I have engaging companions in some way. I wait...I watch...I have hope.

It is the best I can do.

Eruption

It all began as I hid away tight and snug within my safe cocoon. No one to find me, no one to see my secrets; beautiful silence. But, no one to know my soul. But before I knew it, I felt the stirrings, to erupt, to become, to find a way to fly.

   Flying was such a joy, the wind brushing my wings, caressing my soul, but it was not enough. I was beautiful and free, what could be missing? (No one to know my soul).
  The trees whispered about rainbows, the sun glistened to seek the shade, but the spider, oh cleaver spider, she told me to look deep within the web and find the living essence I was missing. The web had answers.
    Looking around I found a web that sparkled with dew drops

And as I became mesmerized with the diamonds holding my attention, and it touched the lack within my soul, I noticed a beautiful fellow creature laying near by; so still. Was he a butterfly too? He was so serene, luminescent, illusive, but brilliant in his calm approach at just being.
  



                                                                                             I flew over to get a closer look at this wonderful creature, a Luna moth, quietly watching me; just being and breathing. I laid by his side and felt the urge to just breath with him. And found, he was breathing with me too! Our two breaths became one, and I was thrilled.

Our breathing became a song of life, a completion of two selves into one unified spirit. It was freedom with a song, life felt complete through sharing. Our breath took us into flight, into clouds and around the rainbow. Horses ran below us as we looped around and between the pillow like clouds that encompassed our earth. In playing within the clouds it was playful nudging of one another into the soft wonder. My wings tingled as my soul drank deep of this miracle of being and sharing; the most delicious of balms. Friend, companion, co-adventurer of life. As we danced our flight of soul on the notes of our breath, the world dropped away and the clouds became a sculpture of our created souls joined. No longer was I a butterfly, nor he a moth. We were living creatures, beings of life. And, in our wake we left a mark upon the earth.

A spiral of truth, a release of separation, finding the missing parts of the individual which becomes a union of unique expression. Breathing.................yours and mine, one breath, one heart beat.
  Just breathing
              breathing
                   breath..................

Breathing In

Breathing in the world around me. I wonder what it is I am breathing? Is it wonder? Amazement? or is it trouble and scorn? (No wonder I hold my breath so much!) Sitting in my car, in the parking lot of the local grocery, I watch people crossing by me going in, going out. I try to imagine what is the processes going on within them. What are they feelings? thinking? wanting? wishing? When I stand very still I can feel the completeness of me, the totality of all that I am, was, and will be; and I am complete and satisfied. But, when another person enters my perception, suddenly I feel splintered. It is like another human being causes me to remember my isolation and separateness.

As each seed of a dandelion parachute  awaits the puff of breath or bump to be dispersed into the wind. The act of separation causes a dislocation of being, whether person or dandelion seed. The memory of being one of a whole has to stay within the essence of everything. We were never created to be isolated so therefore, we constantly earn for joining. Joining with others in person, in cyber, in thoughts, or in dreams. Rarely do people dream where they are alone or isolated; then, those dreams are not natural comfortable.

In the world of dream, we have all that we miss in what we refer to as real life. We have love, connection, acceptance, adventure, health, even amazing abilities.  Dream is a place that is better than cable and HBO. It is the world where I truly feel alive and me. In dream I don't have to accept anything less than what brings me completeness. If I could master the technique to brings some of dream into my everyday reality...what a thought! I would leap and fly to embrace those aspects. I would skip and sigh to realize I can "wake up" into the life I can breath in. Oh, what a dream!

In dream I have a wise one who encourages me, guides me, strengthens me, and makes me smile. In dream I am a tree nympth with passion unexpressed. I am a water sprite looking for a playmate. The moon is my mother and the earth is my bed. The wind caresses my cheek, hair, and body and I am filled with love and affection. Thunderstorms are my tonic and the rustle of leaves are the tune my feet loves to dance with. The night brings the shadows to cover the lies and awake the truth of being in mother moon's glimmery light. I am neither human nor physical. I....just....AM. I can breath.

To Breath in that which is called life.

To Breath in that which brings sustenance and joy.

Without joy there cannot be sustenance.

Which neither food nor drink can adequately quench.

Touch my fingers...tip to tip.

Feel the worth of connection..the Truth of ourselves as A one.

We are together in spite of our isolation.

The joy of knowing.

The Breath of Reality.

skip....skip....skip....skip....skip

la la la la

:)

Easy as Pie

To think a thought is to first decide what flavor is being tasted. Does it have crunch? mush? custard? fruit and tart? What is the flavor of this thought right now?
    I am thinking of all the thoughts that are laid together in one pie pan. Sometimes I jump from one pan to another, one type to another. This writing is such a random sampler.

1- I don't get it why people yell at other motorist when they themselves drive as if they have the perpetual right of way.

2- I am amazed at individuals who speak in a rude manner to another and yet they wonder why the person is upset or pissed at them!

3- Inconsiderate people usually believe they are the most considerate of people.

4-I rather a person who is honest and says "Yes, I am a jerk"...compared to the one who proclaims "I am a wonderful person!!", yet acts in selfish and jerk behavior.

5-Someone 50+ does NOT have to stop playing!!

6-When the news is turned on there is so many opinions of so many people, most who feel "their" opinion is the correct opinion. But everyone forgets to remember that an Opinion is just that...not anything set in stone and only one person's view. So when I hear politicians, comments about them, comments from them, I can't get very moved at what fodder is taking up air time. After all, I am trying to find the latest channel that is airing Sponge Bob, Mork & Mindy, or Bewitched...instead I have to pay for the exclusive channel package so I can discover most of the channels are sponsored by these same opinionated people. Thank goodness for DVD movies!!! If t.v. gets too redundant then off it goes and onto the tried and true!!

to be continued............