Tears Withheld

Standing upon the swirl of the living, I have to ponder the isolation that human begings have created for each other. Through fear, which causes hesitation, everything to hinder the connection so deeply yearned for with each other. Have I skipped too many rocks? Hopped over too many cracks? Have I stopped so often to smell the roses that I got lost from the crowd? To suddenly find myself alone in the boat, floating upon the vast sea of humanity...where is everyone?

I was enjoying the moment, breathing in the freshness of life. Then, one day I found myself separated by an invisible barrier that keeps fellow humans from reaching me, touching me. Who would dare? Why won't one dare???

For a little while the world was peaceful and fun, but without another to share the wonder with even the present joy is missing a type of shine. I miss having someone to share the wonder with. Everyone is busy, occupied, scheduled, or consumed. Should I get off this path? Find a more crowded road? Seek the crowd and emerge myself within the middle of it all? Will that help? When was the last time I felt a regular sense of involvement with others? I have forgotten.

In seeking the wisdom of the ages, I have found the truth of the living. Living is about sharing and combining with another, or others. Wisdom is connection. Then, I find moments that remind me of that deepest connection...and then I realize what I am missing. I am reminded why I want to live...here...among this world of the living.

      The other day I found a fellow creature who came to me...dared to touch me in the only way it could...through a glass enclosure. But it connected with me!! Wanted to connect...wanted me to connect....and for that moment, I felt complete, not alone, embraced, and felt recognized. A sniff through a glass...a nose pressed against my hand. A reminder that the world, the cosmos has not forgotten me. If not through another human being, than through its creatures that live beyond the assumed.For that small while I was able to remember and the tears I hold within fell away to be replaced with only bliss.

Life...the world. What is it to live. Really live? I want to learn to do that without having another, yet I continue to find that I enjoy living more when there is another to share with. What have I done?! I chose people in my life who can't share, don't want to combine, or are too flawed to naturally find the unity of a breath. Those that can are far away, oceans away, miles away...those that can't are under my nose. I have chose this dilemma, I realize this. My own fear has created my cage.

But....

I have never, will never, and avoid all cages that try to trap me...so this cage (of my own making) I will also break free from. Adventure....that is the key to unlock any door of limitation. Don't you agree??

A Pause

Sitting under the rays of sunbeams, I am taking the necessary pause to ponder the moments surrounding me. What part is real? Maybe the only moment that is real is this very moment, the moment I choose to claim as real, this moment sitting under the sunbeams. While in this spot I don't have to think about what is outside or inside this spot. Everything other than this spot, causes me to hesitant? But why? Is it my assumption to act? Presumption to be? For once, I choose just to be. Neither contributing or commiting. This is a profound choice for myself. Just to perpetually wait and see. And make choices as I have to, only when I have to. What a nice in-between spot.

Other wise...life's spiral wants to suck me in to its illusions.... But, for now, I want to just sit and be. Though movement might create something interesting and even adventure...I don't want to go towards the spiral. I want to be the perpetual observer. At least for now; nothing just yet. But, I am excited to observe the spiral while sitting in this spot under the sunbeams. Know that it carries possibilities, probabilities, even dreams. For the first time, in forever, I want to feel this contentment of stillness. Just breath. There is something about breathing that is calming (obviously), because of the very fact it is natural...in and out. How many times do we forget that simple fact about ourselves?

Breath...the brush of feather tip to feather tip. Taken for granted, assumed, forgotten; but so necessary. Within breathing is the place of the sunbeams. Therefore, this post...this muse, is a song of breathing. Sitting (just) within these lovely sunbearms. (sigh) The home of the perpetual observer.

Before You Know It....

Life changes, perceptions are altered, and hope is renewed.

It all began when I thought...yes, I thought, I was left alone in this world of strangers. The only one of my kind. There was another, but I had to turn away, walk away, and continue without. I didn't realize how colorless the world was without my other. My other completed the rainbow, finished the symphony of my soul's expression. The only one who understood that blue was periwinkle and red was the rose (with thorns). So much time, eternity spent living the essence of another. Battles fought, sadness walked through, happiness rejoiced, hopes, dreams, quandaries, discussion, training, processing, healing, tears, despair, so much experienced, always matching stride....continuing...alpha and omega.

          

So many life times, twin, brother, sister, self, and the One. It all merges together when breathing the same air, coping within the same life time. Though there have been times when we were enemies, it was our kindredness that made it instead, a connection. The right side needing the left. Yin/Yang. Balanced.


                       When two are created from one, from the ONE, it is a heritage of divine honor and harsh responsibility. With the angels in attendance to assist, humankind to benefit, or suffer, to walk among the finest creation, be a part of maintaining the balance and integrity. (No one ever said it would be easy). But when you are born for such a task, it is soothing to know you march for the One, as two, but working, breathing as one unit; same thought, same intent, same needs, same necessities, same dedication, same...same....same....twin.
                                     



   So, together again, Wholeness solidifies. No more questions, reality coming home. How many life times does this occur? For our unified good, the separation is necessary to make the parts be at its strongest..then to come together again pure, intensified. Oh yeah....
          But for now....reunion is at hand...I am going to enjoy the peace and joy of not being the only one of my kind on this piece of Terra....and heck, he is
                                                                        sooo cuddly and has the voice of the deepest sea!!

But............what is most important...is...in reunion...comes realization that he was me...I was he...and God was, is, and always ....

the key is needed to unlock the mystery. One foot in the world of man...the other in the fairytale.